Free PDF , by Amber Cantorna
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, by Amber Cantorna
Free PDF , by Amber Cantorna
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Product details
File Size: 23396 KB
Print Length: 268 pages
Publisher: Fortress Press (October 1, 2017)
Publication Date: October 1, 2017
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B0754PMHQL
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#320,549 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Amber gives a gripping account of her path to true family. When I read the things her parents told her about her sexuality I would often hear my own:"I know you think you know what's best for you, but I've lived a lot longer than you and can tell you this won't end well.""If you ever have a girlfriend she will never be allowed in our house.""It's extremely selfish of you to do something that makes you happy without thinking about how it affects the family."The irony of the last quote is that Amber spends the entire book thinking about her family. They would not ask a straight child to sacrifice their happiness. They may be upset if they did not follow a more exact blueprint, but it would not be with the same severity. In Evangelicalism marriage covers a multitude of sins-- unless you're gay.This was all exasperated with her father's senior position in a ministry that regularly degrades LGBT people and champions a nuclear version of family that is becoming less and less accessible for a number of reasons. It left Amber radioactive as her future changed once she came out.I haven't met many Christians who know what gaslighting is, but anti-LGBT Christendom is really good at it. Half the battle is sifting through it. We are less successful and burdened down with shame because of propaganda machines like Focus on the Family.The only virtue of the ordeal for myself was knowing if I still held onto my Christian faith after all this, then I know it is truly mine. Amber is one of those too.Read this book and consider the lives of gay Christians and the kind of shrapnel homophobic attitudes may leave inside us. If it is in your power at all, make space for LGBT people in your life, known and unknown, Christian or not, it will save lives.
In the last chapter of Amber's courageous memoir, she relays a conversation she had with a pastor, asking for advice as she was thinking through making her story public. This pastor's thoughtful response is what compelled Amber, and compels so many of us who support Amber and others in the LGBT community, to share our stories: " Embedded in your identity is a responsibility to be a voice for change." Once we know, once we "get" it, once we've been transformed by our experiences, we are now responsible to speak what we know. Amber's honesty is, at times, disarming, but it is that kind of truth-telling that moves hearts and changes lives."Refocusing My Family" is a kind of death-and-resurrection story. Amber realizes the truth of who she is and must come to terms with that by letting go of the woman that she was raised to be: Heterosexual. Her coming out story - the one where her parents cast her out of their lives unless she "repents" and walks away from a "gay lifestyle" - wrenched my heart. Yet embedded in all her pain was a seed of hope, thanks to the warm embrace of the folks at Highlands Church in Denver and the skilled counseling of her therapist. That hope fuels Amber's desire to live authentically with the knowledge that she's God's beloved today just as she was before she realized she was gay. Fortunately, she has the perfect partner to walk the rest of this journey with her, and that's her wife, Clara. I wish them much happiness and pray that anyone reading this review would pick up a copy of this gem of a book and risk having your heart changed for the better.
I bought this book for my Kindle last night and finished reading it this morning. Amber, thank you so much for sharing your life in print. I come from a fundamentalist Christian background. Thankfully many have become more open and accepting but not all have. Our son is gay and we have received open criticism for out support of him from some in the Christian community. When I was at a pride festival last year, I saw a young woman with a sign that read "Most important thing I learned at bible college was Love is Greater than Dogma". Happy to hear Amber has found love and is establishing her own family.
O my, how I appreciate Amber sharing her story. I'm 68 and straight, but I've had my own closets to come out of, and daring to live an authentic life, in spite of what religion tells us, takes a lot of courage. Raised as an Evangelical fundamentalist, and having a daddy who was a Southern Baptist preacher (and also my hero), I came into my own very late in life (mid-50's). It's painful to have all your beliefs challenged. Doubt pretty much became my faith story. One of my biggest challenges was regarding the LGBTQ community. Today I call myself an ally, and some of my best friends are gay, but even I have lost family and friends along the way over this issue. Thank you Amber for having the guts to live your life.
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